::: chiccoyanee : inside my head :::

hawyeh haw yeh

december datang lagi.

im really looking forward to 2009 sebenarnya. i want something new. i hope i can get through it dengan rajinnya.

“kind hearted(?) & pretty much harmless; unless provoked. people always seem to care TOO MUCH of what others do or how others live their lifes; i dont. let me do my thing & you do yours, so we can live happily ever after.”

that was how i described myself in facebook.

lets do some huraian on it.

yes, i can consider myself as kind-hearted pasal usually when dealing with people, i always try my best not to hurt them in anyway. i always try to jaga hati other people for the sake of friendship or hal-hal berkaitan. of course lah secara semula jadiku, kalau urang inda ku suka, malas ku pulang berbaik-baik, buang masa ku saja. will explain that part later. Kalau buleh i always want to give a good impression to everyone, be it the first time or for the gazzillionth time. so when after meeting these people, they will always have good thought of me. kalau nada thought langsung pun still ok, ertinya balum dirasai enough presence ku atu. but i dont want them, after meeting me, lapas atu have kebancian thoughts of me. well im not saying, i live to please, not at all, klu cematu payah tu. pasal trust me, i shut down so many doors to urang-urang yang caused hurt to me. mostly liars. you see, i cant stand liars. why lie? it only make things worse. klu inda mau tell the truth, just keep quiet. it is not that difficult to do, is it? kalau pun ku perlu deal with liars, i sometimes feel sorry for them pasal while they are talking to me, with a smile on my face, all i think of is “talk all you want you idiot, you’re so full of crap”. hmmmm.. now that is not at all the characteristic of a kind-hearted person. well for me, atu exceptional lah. urang bagi crap, inda kan ku balas dengan bunga-bunga dan coklat-coklat yang nyaman kannn.. what you give, u get back. i believe in that. but i dont do revenge or dendam or apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya. its a total waste of time and peace. banar. ignore saja mereka-mereka itu. life must go on. kan.

its raining outside and im at home. padih-padih parutku.

so that part also pretty much explain “pretty much harmless; unless provoked”. atu penyeri ayat saja tu. aku mana jahat. mana ada kalau ku sasak sudah, mana ada rasakan ku langgar ia pakai kirata langgar idup-idup. mana ada ku rasa cematu. mana ada. biasa nya aku bedoa saja. pasal doa orang yang teraniaya ani makbul doanya. say all you want. lame? sukati ku, idupku. macam kejahatan bunyiku ani ih. tapi sebenarnya inda. if u know me, your life will be much more happier and so much fun! macam ada-ada saja bah aku ani hehe i hear that a few time. mana kita mambali bakul atu maci, tagap ih. but i can be so sooo quiet. kadang-kadang aku sendiri kan mengantakkan kepalaku, oi mengaaaaapa diam ani.

nah ani i cant wait any longer to discuss ni. mengapakan urang mesti penyibuk atu???!! mengapa mesti pertikaikan apa urang lain buat or pilih?? its their life jua tu, who are them to judge? biar tia bah. jangan tah sibuk bah. for me, as long as urang inda mengacau aku, mana saja tah ia, buat tah apa sukanya. kadang-kadang, ih bukan kadang-kadang, everytime urang-urang ani memperkatakan pasal subjek yang durang sibukkan ani, kan mutah ku mendangar bah. nada lain, baaaaaaalik balik atu jua ceritanya. isi cerita from time to time betambah-tambah pulang tapi the point is still the same. it doesnt sound funny anymore even if they try hard to make fun of it. entah pasal part of it aku boring sudah mendangar cerita yang sama kan mutah ku. another part lagi pasal aku inda gemar sangat cerita pasal life urang untuk dijadikan bahan ketawa. sekali sekala ok plang, mun luan majal, jadi inda cali lagi, kejahatan saja. banyak lagi topik lain kan diceritakan, be wise. kadang hairan ku pulang, mengapa kan di agut subjek atu? adakah hajat tidak kesampaian hingga bertukar menjadi benci atau irihati? adakah kerana sebab-sebab peribadi? adakah kerana cita-cita tidak menjadi? apa pun motifnya, membuatkan seseorang atu sebagai subjek bahan ketawa, akan membuat subjek atu jadi nampak buruk walaupun hakikatnya ia inda buruk. kalau andangnya buruk, laaaagi tia buruk berabis jadinya. u get what i mean? kesian jua tu. pokok pangkalnya, biar tia urang dengan lifenya, kitani dengan kehidupan masing-masing. as i would always say, “pilihan masing-masing”. funny, they just dont get it.

————————————————————–

i miss you..

ok. *mengeluh panjang*

ok lets ask myself, what options do i have? am i doing the right thing? there are times, macam masa ani lah, aku bepikir something yang aku inda mau share sama urang. there are times, i feel i have to do something this thing im thinking about. tapi there are always, inda pernah inda ada, obstacles which make almost hopeless. eh hopeless lah, nada almost tu eh. are there any way out? entah. i will keep on thinking. manatau one day sebenarnya ada, tapi aku inda nampak. ok lets not continue these ramblings.

its raining. n im missing someone.

just posting mengambil sempena the new face of friendster’s blog.

ok atu saja.

eh im going to kk next year. i must go there. i want to eat that thing. this year inda dapat kali pasal september n oktober i have to menguruskan a corporate video project. november pun inda dapat pasal bosku cuti, so aku inda dapat cuti. disember buat drama kali insyaAllah. so confirm bukan 2008 ani lah.

but i must go there. kan merasai hotel yang durang jah mas ceritakan atu, sounds siuk. n i want to eat that thing. maybe dive if i were to go with any of my dive buddy.

n eat that thing.

it has been a while…. but right now i just to do some luahan rasa… to let it out, if not all, a small fraction of this ever growing regret im feeling..

im sad… so sad… i wish i can turn back time & undo all the stupid things ive done.. all the stupid words i uttered…

that is IF i can turn back time. But, i know no I just CANT.

honestly, i dont know what to do when things like this happen. I know its all my fault. Should I just sit still & let time heal all the hurt ive caused? No. Yet, i dont know what to do. Seriously. And im afraid, if I do something, anything, it will seems like im pushing it some more, a lot more. But i just cant sit still. Theres this feeling i have inside me that i just cant ignore. Its a mixture of regrets, love, sadness, fear & anger.

I just wish i know what to do now..  But the more i think about it, the bigger regret i feel…. the more angry I am with.. me.

eh, hi! i cant sleep. la la la la… cant sleep cemana ni. been thinking about the audition. urang lain audition aku yang inda dapat tidur. panjang ceritanya. malas ku becerita. cukup tah satu saja jerawat di dahi ku ni. awu batah udah inda bejerawat di dahi. malas i kan cerita, biarlah i pendam sendiri. mudahan naik gaji. ops tecakap. ih inda sengaja. i love my job. tapi siapa inda mau kana bagi naik gaji. ih mulut, mengapa. tapi inda jua apapa kali, pasal pihak-pihak tertentu mana membaca blog ku ani, i hope. tapi kalau kana baca pun, ok plang, netau banar naik erm. banar aku suka buat kraja ku. besukur tah ku banar ada urang-urang tertentu yang baik macamatu.

ive been listening to this song, tak bisa memilihmu. minta downloadkan arah adiku pasal pcku klu d install java utk limewire naujubillah laggingnya. awu mun naik erm wah, membali pc baruku. ih pc kah mac ah. pasal mac ku d opis pandai jua rusak nyamu.paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayah ku membuat kraja. i tell u. bukan kata-kata tapi payah lah payah payah. intu-intu kan ikut makai computer arah lain. macam payah lah payah. i know u get it, tapi payahlah. rasaku kan mbuat kraja atu ah, lusir-lusir ku. macam dalam cerita apani ah yang dulu ani, prasan ku urang lain teranah saja, tenang saja, aku lusir-lusir. macam yang lain atu kana pause, aku saja begarak. inda ku tau aku rasa aku obvious begarak-garak pasal aku basar. i mean pendek tapi lebar dan tebal. well baik jua lampuh dari hodoh. lampuh buleh kurus, hodoh? jawapannya jalan buntu. ihhhh mengapa ku hyper.

apa kan cakap ku banarnya tadi? ah awu lagunya balik-balik ku dangar lagunya ani, makin tersayat hatiku. ih lurus kah tu tersayat? what i mean ih touch bah ih. the melody is just so beautiful. lama sudah ku inda rasa cemani kalau dangar a melody. melody ok, not the lyrics. im more of a melody person. anyway about the lagu, anu bunyi pianonya atu kali, udah masuk drum, mengurang tia that tersayat feeling.

i think i shud sleep. aku hyper ani pasal tesiruk aroma sagu tadi patang ih i mean kemarin atu kali. mudahan ku tebangun karang, nada cali tu mun inda. cana kan naik erm.

naik erm naik erm naik erm. AMIN.

bah tidur tah ku ni. macam ada rasa panat sudah d the lower back of my head. tapi so lawa bah di song. isuk lah ku cuba dangar lagi time ku abis nerveous. netau ada any different. ataupun what i feel dari tadi ani is not really the tesayat feeling. macam kabak-kabak kali. ih antah ih.

TIDUR TAH KU NI

ih btw, stacys gonna win that af. i tell u, banar ni. her voice was purrrfect minggu lapas. mo bet? maritah. kalau ku manang, aku inda mo duit. mau…. hmmmm… percutian ditanggung penuh 7hari 7malam ke sipadan island! klu inda atu pun, bleh runding luar. dont worry its negotiable. call me.

BAH TIDUR TAH KU NI

cok kerapang belanga sumbing
pecah keningai ketambak atang-atang
tangan dang gisu tang giling-giling
tang giling-giling tang giling-giling

cok kerapang belanga sumbing
pecah keningai ketambak atang-atang
tangan dang gisu tang giling-giling
tang giling-giling tang giling-giling

chorus:

jika sudah asyik bermain
bila disuruh tersinting-sinting
bara ditambak jangan dimain
terbakar tangan terkiting-kiting

jika sudah asyik bermain
bila disuruh tersinting-sinting
bara ditambak jangan dimain
terbakar tangan terkiting-kiting

hah! my long awaited blog. hehe macam tah ada urang menunggu aku kan memblog! ahaks! anyway, this song lyrics, lagu brunei cok kerapang, saja ku taruh di sini pasal kan ada urang atu kan seretukan minjam audio cdku yang hans anwar dokumentari cinta kan yang ku bali di batu besurat kan original ni ah kan tapi kan lupa ia menaip lyricsnya kan. jangan marah, sayang abang lai~~

apa erti lagu ani ah especially yg part awal atu. yg part chorus tauku, kali lah. tesinting-sinting sama tekiting-kiting ani sama kah? bukan artinya lupat2 kah? kalau sinting lain lagi tu. dalam idupku alhamdulillah balum ku kejumpahan urg sinting yg ku know personally lah. tapi yg mirip-mirip urang sinting ada plang, sedaya upayaku ku hindari, pasal durang ani ada potential utk menyusahkan aku, so better not be close to them hehe

so anyone yang tau erti to this song, especially yang part awal-awal, please do let me know by leaving any comment kah, email aku kah, jumpa aku kah, we can talk it over our archery session. ah archery, i went there oredi. zann maritah ketani ke kb pakai kritamu, siuk zann, and its quite cheap masa ani pasal ada promotion.

awu main panah-panah di kb. tempatnya sebalah wywy kb. inda tau jua dmana tu. ia kawasan hampir wisma yakin. inda tau jua dmana tu. klu dri bandar streeeet saja mcm kn menuju ke miri, then ada label "kuala belait", masuk sana streeeeeet saja limpaskan roundabout yang ada teko. lipaskan teko atu, liat2 saja tah sebalah kiri, ada bangunan kadai2 tu, di sana-sana atu lah. macam promotion jua aku ani, saja bah becerita lama sudah ku inda memblog.

the older you are, the itchier you get, iakah? hehehehe maaaaaaaana ada. hehe tapi kalau banar ok wat. life starts at 40. is it? 40 cerita lain, ani bah yang life sekarang ani, nikmati tia selagi dapat. n btw, for me, my life started when i met u my dear =)

siuk ih memblog ani, tapi krg tah lagi isuk isuk kah. baru tah ku cuti ni, 3 hari!! ah siuk!! ahhhhhh!! kan bejalan tah ku ni~~~

tadi ku ketemunya~~~ windu~~~ uuuuu~~ windu sewindunya~~~~~ wing nada, bweast saja tinggal. hati ini resah bila mengingati dirimu. dengupan jantungku semakin pantas setiap kali ingin bertemumu. mungkin kah ini yang dikatakan kinta suci. kintaku hanya padanya. tidak akan ada yang lain. sehari bersama terasa sepertinya sesaat sajaku bersamamu. waktu begitu cepat berlalu bila saja aku bersamamu. sehari berjauhan, terasa seperti rindu setahun tak berjumpa. bilakah kita akan bersua lagi?

ada yang muak membaca ni. hehe. tapi atu tah luahan hati seorang perindu setia~~ uwekkkkkkk uwekkkkk! adakah such word? uwekkkk uwekkkkk

alhamdulillah.. everything went smoothly, apart from only a few very minor kelupahans tapi inda apa, first-timer kali ah. nya urang tetua, "sukurtah selamat sudah". thanks to redbull, i manage to go on and on berusah. banar. memang berkesan! last night saja my hands were shaky masa memakai makaikan adik ipar ku, maybe pasal aku lapar plus lalah plus high dari redbull hehe.. ani pun masih terasa ngalih tapi ku bawa-bawai saja sal i only have 3 days left, lapas atu keraja.

today is the last day of 2007 and this might be my last blog for this year jua. maaaaaacam macam pengalaman ku taun ani. and alhamdulillah, mostly yang baik baik belaka. mudahan tah 2008 pun catu jua… i know its going to be ever better and siuker, amin! akan ku usahakan supaya 2008 will be another memorable year, penuh dengan warna warni kehidupan yang indah dan damai. azam taun baru karang tah ku mikirkan sambil makan lambchop arah rumah cbb. lapar ku ih.

by the way, beadi ipar ku sudah~~ wooohoooo~~ kebaruan~~ biar tia~~~ sukati saja~~~