::: chiccoyanee : inside my head :::

“kind hearted(?) & pretty much harmless; unless provoked. people always seem to care TOO MUCH of what others do or how others live their lifes; i dont. let me do my thing & you do yours, so we can live happily ever after.”

that was how i described myself in facebook.

lets do some huraian on it.

yes, i can consider myself as kind-hearted pasal usually when dealing with people, i always try my best not to hurt them in anyway. i always try to jaga hati other people for the sake of friendship or hal-hal berkaitan. of course lah secara semula jadiku, kalau urang inda ku suka, malas ku pulang berbaik-baik, buang masa ku saja. will explain that part later. Kalau buleh i always want to give a good impression to everyone, be it the first time or for the gazzillionth time. so when after meeting these people, they will always have good thought of me. kalau nada thought langsung pun still ok, ertinya balum dirasai enough presence ku atu. but i dont want them, after meeting me, lapas atu have kebancian thoughts of me. well im not saying, i live to please, not at all, klu cematu payah tu. pasal trust me, i shut down so many doors to urang-urang yang caused hurt to me. mostly liars. you see, i cant stand liars. why lie? it only make things worse. klu inda mau tell the truth, just keep quiet. it is not that difficult to do, is it? kalau pun ku perlu deal with liars, i sometimes feel sorry for them pasal while they are talking to me, with a smile on my face, all i think of is “talk all you want you idiot, you’re so full of crap”. hmmmm.. now that is not at all the characteristic of a kind-hearted person. well for me, atu exceptional lah. urang bagi crap, inda kan ku balas dengan bunga-bunga dan coklat-coklat yang nyaman kannn.. what you give, u get back. i believe in that. but i dont do revenge or dendam or apa-apa yang sewaktu dengannya. its a total waste of time and peace. banar. ignore saja mereka-mereka itu. life must go on. kan.

its raining outside and im at home. padih-padih parutku.

so that part also pretty much explain “pretty much harmless; unless provoked”. atu penyeri ayat saja tu. aku mana jahat. mana ada kalau ku sasak sudah, mana ada rasakan ku langgar ia pakai kirata langgar idup-idup. mana ada ku rasa cematu. mana ada. biasa nya aku bedoa saja. pasal doa orang yang teraniaya ani makbul doanya. say all you want. lame? sukati ku, idupku. macam kejahatan bunyiku ani ih. tapi sebenarnya inda. if u know me, your life will be much more happier and so much fun! macam ada-ada saja bah aku ani hehe i hear that a few time. mana kita mambali bakul atu maci, tagap ih. but i can be so sooo quiet. kadang-kadang aku sendiri kan mengantakkan kepalaku, oi mengaaaaapa diam ani.

nah ani i cant wait any longer to discuss ni. mengapakan urang mesti penyibuk atu???!! mengapa mesti pertikaikan apa urang lain buat or pilih?? its their life jua tu, who are them to judge? biar tia bah. jangan tah sibuk bah. for me, as long as urang inda mengacau aku, mana saja tah ia, buat tah apa sukanya. kadang-kadang, ih bukan kadang-kadang, everytime urang-urang ani memperkatakan pasal subjek yang durang sibukkan ani, kan mutah ku mendangar bah. nada lain, baaaaaaalik balik atu jua ceritanya. isi cerita from time to time betambah-tambah pulang tapi the point is still the same. it doesnt sound funny anymore even if they try hard to make fun of it. entah pasal part of it aku boring sudah mendangar cerita yang sama kan mutah ku. another part lagi pasal aku inda gemar sangat cerita pasal life urang untuk dijadikan bahan ketawa. sekali sekala ok plang, mun luan majal, jadi inda cali lagi, kejahatan saja. banyak lagi topik lain kan diceritakan, be wise. kadang hairan ku pulang, mengapa kan di agut subjek atu? adakah hajat tidak kesampaian hingga bertukar menjadi benci atau irihati? adakah kerana sebab-sebab peribadi? adakah kerana cita-cita tidak menjadi? apa pun motifnya, membuatkan seseorang atu sebagai subjek bahan ketawa, akan membuat subjek atu jadi nampak buruk walaupun hakikatnya ia inda buruk. kalau andangnya buruk, laaaagi tia buruk berabis jadinya. u get what i mean? kesian jua tu. pokok pangkalnya, biar tia urang dengan lifenya, kitani dengan kehidupan masing-masing. as i would always say, “pilihan masing-masing”. funny, they just dont get it.

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i miss you..

ok. *mengeluh panjang*

ok lets ask myself, what options do i have? am i doing the right thing? there are times, macam masa ani lah, aku bepikir something yang aku inda mau share sama urang. there are times, i feel i have to do something this thing im thinking about. tapi there are always, inda pernah inda ada, obstacles which make almost hopeless. eh hopeless lah, nada almost tu eh. are there any way out? entah. i will keep on thinking. manatau one day sebenarnya ada, tapi aku inda nampak. ok lets not continue these ramblings.

its raining. n im missing someone.